Who wears a wallet chain?!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
