Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
