I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
