I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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