I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
