Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
