My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
