GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
