I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
