Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
