dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
