Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
