I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
