It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Floor bacon is actually really good
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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