i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
