One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
