so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
