sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The Olympian is in my bed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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