I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
