I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
