Don't make out with my wife yet
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i've created a new STD.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
