i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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