You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
