You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
