dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
