Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
