i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
