smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
