I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
