she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
