Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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