I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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