Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
