Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
