I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
