And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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