you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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