**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
