I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
