Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
