I think I died a long time ago.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
