I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
