I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
false alarm, still single
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
