thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize