party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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