absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
