I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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