After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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