I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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