Kiss
Puke
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
