he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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