plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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