They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
