I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have demons in me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
