seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
