u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
