**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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