The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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