this beer tastes like vomit already
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
