Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
