Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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