Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
