And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
