nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
