i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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