one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
