I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
