I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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