It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
my liver is dry heaving
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
