I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
