pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
