ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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